| twas bored... |
[03 Aug 2006|05:19pm] |
| Your Life Path Number is 4 |
 Your purpose in life is to build your vision. You are practical and responsible. You work hard, knowing that there are no shortcuts in life. You work for a better life for yourself and those you love, but you are not an idealist. Trustworthy and honest, you also demonstrate great courage. People can count on you. In love, you are a loyal and committed partner. You are the ideal spouse. You don't give up easily, and sometimes you can be too stubborn and unwilling to change. You also can be too conservative at times. You sometime miss out on good opportunities. Also remember that not everyone can work as hard as you, as disappointing as that is! |
| You Are 40% Boyish and 60% Girlish |
| You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch. Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes. You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them. You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be. |
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| la~~~~~ |
[21 Jun 2006|12:03am] |
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mood |
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 annoyed |
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music |
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Reds Go Together - 버즈 |
] |
Hmmm...yea so I haven't been updating much...anyways I finally decided to update this thingamajig. So here I am BLOGGING...blog what a random word... anyways...so yeah my summer is pretty hectic 3 summer classes, private chinese (Mandarin) lessons, and private art (sketching) lessons. Ugh... so much driving o__O LPC to DVC then back home @_@. Its okay though its all going towards my major...International Marketing. Anyways other than that I really haven't been up to much. Just catching up on my reading and I've started to get into listening to Korean music ^^;; I've been listening to it more and more nowadays. I think my Korean music collection nearly rivals my American music collection lol. Anyways I better vamoose cause I've got class at 8:15AM...whoever made 8AM classes should be shot...and I should be knocked upside the head for choosing an 8AM class willing -__-;...a SPEECH class no less...ugh okay I'm done ranting. Till next time.
I probably have tons of grammar errors but whatever I'll proofread later.
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| I gotta get back to where it all began.... |
[20 May 2006|08:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 melancholy |
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music |
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Can I Stay Here Forever - Starfield |
] |
so yeah...I've just been browsing my songs on my itunes...and I stumbled across this one song that...now that I think about it...pretty much describes my situation spiritually. This song's words are so powerful. Anyways here's the lyrics:
Starfield - Can I Stay Here Forever
Through forgotten convictions
Misplaced affections
I'm losing the sound of Your voice
I've been chasing after emptiness
Trying to tidy up this mess
I swear I've been down this road before
I want to get back to where it all began
When I would long for only You
Like a child I'll take You at Your word
As these mountains of doubt, they fade away
I'm longing to trust and love You more
So for me this is beautiful
A brand new thought, and a brand new world
Can I stay here forever here with You?
I've lost sight of what first drew me
To the love that pursued me
The joy that inspired my song
The friendship that was all I knew
The arms that I would fall into
Seem miles and years from where I am today
I got to get back to where it all began
When I would wait for only You
Can I stay here forever
Here with you?
Surrounded by Your mercy
Clothed in Your truth
Always, I'll stay
Always here with You
Can I be here forever
Here with You?
Can I know what it's like
To deeply love You?
Always, Lord, let me stay
Always, here with You
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| sick and on spring break! w00t -_-; |
[09 Apr 2006|06:00pm] |
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mood |
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 sick |
] |
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music |
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Grace - 이수영 (Lee Soo Young) |
] |
whee~ so I'm on spring break right now...whee a week worth of what? I don't know probably studying and looking for a job *sigh*. Still waiting for the headphones I ordered to come in. They are Sound Isolation headphones made especially by a drum company so hopefully they'll protect my ears...otherwise I'll seriously go deaf -_-; Grr...the music store takes forever seriously lol...okay it really hasn't been that long...like 7 business days? but they said to expect in 5 business days. -__-;; yeah...anyways on a brighter note...wait. I don't have one. I'm still and still don't have my laptop back. I swear my laptop is like my life hahaha it has all programs like photoshop and my music editting program and the lyrics I've written! Damn this dumb computer its soo laggy grr. It takes forever to do one thing -___-;. Anyways I'm looking forward to the summer...hopefully I'll be able to pull up my econ grades by then...damn econ teacher! I swear she doesn't know how to teach, she can't convey concepts at all! So I'm stuck with just reading the text -_-;
Anyways during the summer I'll hopefully improve my Korean and begin learning Chinese or Japanese. Depending on whether LOST POTENTIAL offers Japanese courses or not. Grr if not I may have to go to DVC. *sigh* oh well. I'm looking forward to it though. I can't wait to go visit other countries ^___^
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| music makes the world go round... but I can't hear it!!!! |
[06 Mar 2006|10:05am] |
| [ |
mood |
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annoyed |
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music |
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We Are One Tonight - Switchfoot |
] |
Argh! Freakin Apple and IPod's I swear I get all the defected stuff __.__;; this is my third ipod in 2 years... my first mini was defective so they gave me a new one, and then I replaced that one with a 60GB Photo iPod and now the Hard Drive on that one crashed -_-;;... I'm beginning to get annoyed apple, I was thinking of getting a apple laptop in the future for music and graphic design purposes but I don't think I will now. Other than that... school's okay. It's just blah. I'm sure most, if not all, can relate to that. I feel like listening to punk rock or some metal right now... unfortunately since my iPod crashed I can't...great~~~ and I have to wait till saturday to see if I can get it fixed. Dammit. On top of that I have to focus on my grades argh!!! Oh yeah and see if I can add another 6 week class since I already am taking the maximum 18 credits. What the hell was I thinking? Oh yeah...I remember I just wanna finish as soon I can get the hell away from here. Argh!!! Vent, vent, vent, rant, rant, throw a fit, break something, drum my frustrations but I can't because I'm not freaking allowed to play drums -____-; what the hell. Grr... whatever life is dumb.
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| life's a roller coaster and I feel like I'm gonna hurl... |
[28 Feb 2006|12:33pm] |
time for another update!
school's all right nothing too bad. Parents especially mom still on my case about transferring ASAP but whatever I just ignore everything she says now.
Anyways... life's pretty much been okay other than the fact I've had no communication...no correction BARELY any communication with my friends. I don't know... its seems like I'm doing all of this for naught. I'm slowly not caring about what happens to me maybe its because I've been living like this for....forever. Still in search of a job. I've been lazy and haven't applied to best buy probably no positions now oh well *shrug*
I'll just live barely and pray that I won't go insane with all the background jabbering.
I'll live true to the band I wear constantly "Music = Life"
Everyone. Good luck dealing with the crap that life hands out oh so generously...
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| redone lyrics..still untitled |
[31 Jan 2006|07:48pm] |
Broken, in pieces, on the floor
Staring blankly at the sky
Wondering when its all gonna end
Been going through the motions
Of life in a dream-like state.
Choosing and always failing
I'm nothing but an empty shell
Stumbling about, dragging myself
Into the fray, into chaos
I'm drowning again
Holding my last breath
Overwhelmed by doubt
I sink into the raging sea
Fading to black
Haunted for all of eternity
Struggling against these chains
Bound to my hands and feet
Forever locked in this cell
I'm nothing but a picture
A snapshot of moment
That's slowly fading away
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| blah |
[24 Jan 2006|02:53pm] |
| [ |
music |
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Finch - What It Is To Burn |
] |
(Untitled for now...)
Pictures once bright,
Alive with color
Fade to black
Like forgotten words
Our memories pass
Hopes and dreams
We longed for
Drift away like
the tides of the sea
As I stare
Out of here
Chained to this place
In a snapshot
Of a moment
That's slowly fading away
Chorus:
So this is my last breath
There's no turning back
I'm at the final round
And maybe you'll see
That all I wanted
Was to be free.
Broken, in pieces
Laying on the floor
Confined within this cell
I've been here so long
Can't you see?
You did this to me.
You brought me
To this point
Haunted by all
My doubts and fears
I'm putting everything
On the line
Numb to this pain
I'm slowly fading away.
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| survey |
[09 Dec 2005|06:03am] |
| [ |
mood |
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discontent |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Ryan Cabrera - On The Way Down |
] |
*sigh* bored and kinda down...
but here's a little survey thing I did:
| You Should Learn Japanese | 
You're cutting edge, and you are ready to delve into wacky Japanese culture.
From Engrish to eating contests, you're born to be a crazy gaijin. Saiko! |
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| Memories... (dedicated to my best friend, an amazingly strong person =)) |
[21 Nov 2005|10:37pm] |
Memories past
From a time not too long ago,
Fade away like
Sand washed by the waves
Pictures once alive with vibrant colors
Are nothing but gray.
Frozen in time we’ll stay,
Here in our hearts
Where you’ll be
Long winters,
Short summers,
Of a time filled with smiles
Now here drenched with tears
Come reach out
Comfort those in pain
Who ache for more,
Who have been cast into a broken home
Longing for something more
Hear the cries ring out
Against the walls and
Fading away into the depths
Farther and farther we drift
Like the rising sea,
These emotions stirring
Bring back these memories.
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| prayer, school, burning out, mental exhaustion |
[15 Nov 2005|08:33pm] |
Argh! I haven't written in this journal for so long, but that's because I haven't had anything to write about. Now I'm writing here to ask you guys for prayer not just for me but for my friends too. My friends and myself have been placed in situations where we are just are incapable of focusing on our education. There's more immediate worries on our minds. In my case, I'm burning out. I was so diligent in my studies the first half of this quarter but now I'm slowly losing the drive and motivation that I had... CRAP! I need to maintain high grades too... ugh this sucks. The same goes for my friends...a lot of them are burning or have immediate concerns that are jeapordizing their academics. ugh...we just need major prayer.
God hear my plea
come down and rescue me
from the pits of despair
reach out Your hand towards me
Cause I'm falling farther and faster
Down this lonely abyss
Tumbling over and over
I'm being pushed back
Away from You and away from joy
Into these murky depths I fall...
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| haven't updated in a while... |
[01 Nov 2005|02:26pm] |
I haven't update in a while so here's a questionnare thingy I took:
| Your Career Type: Artistic | 
You are expressive, original, and independent.
Your talents lie in your artistic abilities: creative writing, drama, crafts, music, or art.
You would make an excellent:
Actor - Art Teacher - Book Editor
Clothes Designer - Comedian - Composer
Dancer - DJ - Graphic Designer
Illustrator - Musician - Sculptor
The worst career options for your are conventional careers, like bank teller or secretary. |
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| the shadow proves the sunshine... |
[15 Oct 2005|04:17pm] |
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Switchfoot - The Shadow Proves The Sunshine is an awesome song. You guys should listen to it, hehe I'm gonna learn it ^^; anyways here are the lyrics and chords. <![CDATA[E Esus E
Sunshine, won't you be my mother
E Esus E
Sunshine, come and help me sing
E Esus E
My heart is darker than these oceans
E Esus E
My heart is frozen underneath
E Esus
We are, crooked souls trying to stay up straight
E Esus
Dry eyes in the pouring rain, well
A B
The shadow proves the sunshine
A B
The shadow proves the sunshine
E Esus E
Too scared that I'll run away
E Esus E
Hold fast till the break of day, well
A B
The shadow proves the sunshine
A B
The shadow proves the sunshine
E5 B5 C#5
Oh Lord, why did you forsake me?
E5 B5 C#5
Oh Lord, don't be far away
E5 B5 C#5
Storm Clouds gathering beside me
A5 B5 C#5
Please Lord, don't look the other way
E Esus
I'm a, crooked soul trying to stay up straight
E Esus
Dry eyes in the pouring rain, well
A B
The shadow proves the sunshine
A B
The shadow proves the sunshine
E Esus E
Too scared that I'll run away
E Esus E
Hold fast till the break of day, well
A B
The shadow proves the sunshine
A B
The shadow proves the sunshine
E Esus A B
Yeah, yeah, Shine on me
E Esus A B
Yeah, yeah, Shine on me
E Esus A B
Yeah, yeah, Shine on me
E Esus A B
Shine on me
E during all of the Oh's
E Esus
We are, crooked souls trying to stay up straight
E Esus
Dry eyes in the pouring rain, well
A B
The shadow proves the sunshine
A B
The shadow proves the sunshine
E Esus E
Too scared that I'll run away
E Esus E
Hold fast till the break of day, well
A B
The shadow proves the sunshine
A B
The shadow proves the sunshine
E Esus A B
Yeah, yeah, Shine on me
E Esus A B
Yeah, yeah, Shine on me
E Esus A B
Yeah, yeah, Shine on me
E Esus A B
Shine on me,
E Esus A B
Shine on me,
A B E
Let my shadows prove the sunshine]]><![CDATA[***OR it might this I won't know until I try lol...***]]><![CDATA[ G D Em
Sunshine won't you be my mother?
G D C
Sunshine come and help me sing
G D Em
My heart is darker than these oceans
G D C
My heart is frozen underneath
G D
Crooked soul trying to stay up strait
Em C
Dry eyes in the pouring rain
G D Em C
well the shadow proves the sunshine, the shadow proves the sunshine
G D
Two scared little runaways
Em C
Hold fast till the break of daylight
G D Em C
When the shadow proves the sunshine, the shadow proves the sunshine
G D Em
Oh Lord why did you forsake me?
G D C
Oh Lord don't be far away, away
G D Em
Storm clouds gathering beside me
G D C
Please Lord don't look the other way
(chorus)
The same chords as chorus when he's sayin "yeah" and stuff
(chorus)]]><![CDATA[ ]]><![CDATA[ ]]><![CDATA[ ]]>
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| the battle called life... |
[05 Oct 2005|04:23pm] |
| [ |
music |
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Jimmy Eat World - The World You Love |
] |
hmmm yeah so here I am bored like no other waiting until 5:30 for my meeting with one of my teachers. Yeah this year is okay I guess not much going on constantly bored... bawoo and mike came to visit today so that was cool, kinda wish I could go hang out with them more often and actually visit their (kevin and bawoo's individual) houses off-campus... stupid bus strike because of that there are not metros. BLAH well it seems like I'm the only one that's SLIGHTLY maintaing cheerful spirits... two of my friends seem pretty down lately.. =/ I hope they get better, when I can't help people it kinda brings me down too making me feel a bit helpless but yeah I try to offer the help I can. Hmmm... I guess that's the one redeeming quality about me I'm loyal and sacrificing, putting my friends in front of me. Heh... life is a constant battle, one that we'll eventually win but for now its just one little thing after another slowly chipping away at my friends and myself. We'll hang in this together though =) because that's what friends are for =D. Yeah I guess I'll leave you guys with these quotes from two songs: "only but one thing matters learn how to live your life..."- Relient K
"this is your life are you who you want to be?"- Switchfoot
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| Change... |
[03 Oct 2005|07:25pm] |
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hmm well I guess this will be one of my more lengthier posts.
so yeah, I was thinking about the past and just how much my friends and I have changed from how we were a few years back. Experience is everything I guess. I was talking about how I was thinking about the ways I acted back then and then jokingly said, "heh I guess I matured?" well yeah we all did. It's amazing in 6th grade I was an absolute loner, had only one friend and even then I constantly got into fights with him. (alina remember the horror that was outdoor ed?) and it didn't get any better. I was always had a short temper, people were always getting on my nerves, insulting me, edging me on towards a fight (I never fought but I was exploding with rage). Heck in 6th grade I even remember saying that my existence is completely pointless and that I'd be better off dead. so yeah 7th-8th grade weren't much better I was listening to random hate music, Limp Bizkit was my favorite band and I cussed out everyone and everything 24/7. I hid behind a mask, didn't trust anybody, and felt alone. Every single day at school, I was provoked because I was known to have a short temper and not doing anything about. Maybe if I had beat up someone I would have had less provokes, maybe there would have been more. Anyways, I didn't tell my parents anything just hid it all behind a mask pretty much being a rebel. Freshman year wasn't that much better, in fact it seemed like everyone but me was having fun. However by this time I had 2 friends, not that it meant much anyways since I didn't really tell them anything of importance. So freshman year came and went, then in sophomore year I changed my view a little bit that was probably because I joined the adult praise team and found something that I could enjoy doing and that was playing drums. It didn't help however when one of my "friends", was belittling me, making it seem like I couldn't accomplish anything. However the leader of the praise teams' daughter, April, stuck up for me and helped me out, I guess that's where I start to have a different outlook on life. Before I just saw life as something not worth carrying about, just hiding behind a mask but after a few practices with the praise team I became determined to do better. Heh, I remember when I first started was approached to play drums for the praise team, I was reluctant knowing that I sucked having played with the youth group once. I couldn't find the beat and was always off-time, sped up, slowed down (still do speed up and slow down but its more gradual), and I couldn't do any fills. It was pretty pathetic considering I learned how to play drums at 9 years old and during sophomore year I couldn't even play a simple beat with a band. Therefore I motivated myself to work harder and become better at drums, eventually with April helping me out, I was able to find the beat and from there I kept on improving. However old habits die hard and so I was still cussing in sophomore year but not as often. It's ironic I never swore UNTIL I went to Valley Christian. But anyways, because of that my friend, Scott didn't want to be my friend anymore. Gradually I gained my FIRST best friend, and she continued to help me out and listen to my problems. In sophomore year I was finally giving up the whole outlook that life is bleak. I realized that in order to gain friends, I have to change... I think this came from a retreat I went to this year something about being a friend in order to gain a friend. Therefore the first thing I tried to change was my attitude towards everyone, I began to shrug off most of the comments and tried to be a bit more cheerful. Also during this time I gain a slight interest in music and my parents were pushing me to do something extracurricular so I joined the JV Basketball team BIG MISTAKE. I AM BY NO MEANS ATHLETIC, however since no one was cut I still made the team lol pretty sad... hahahaha but anyways I was dedicated to practice and improved a lot and I even got an award for that ^^;. lol. Then Junior year my interest in music developed even more and I was playing drums for at my church for both the adult and youth group praise teams. Also I took the Worship Team class in hopes of learning more about music and using my talent. What a disaster that was. My drumming skills were still in much need of being honed I thought that maybe because I was playing decently with my church praise teams that maybe I could do so at school too. However even if that whole situation was a disaster it just showed me how much more I needed to improve. Junior year I was more cheerful and sociable, and I gained my second best friend, Ron. Ron tells me that he remembers me from Valley Montessori Elementary however I don't recall that part of my childhood lol. Anyways so that year was a bit better than the previous years. Also one of my best friends was going through a serious depression and I was there to help that person out. It really scared me at how much a person can suffer especially when they hide all their emotions and then suffer a breakdown. I did the best I could considering I dealt with a lot of the idea of giving up but something kept me pressing on. I told my friend that the he/she has a friends that he/she can count on and that in itself is a reason worth living for. Senior year comes around and my interest in music has increased including my interest in various musical instruments. I took guitar lessons in Junior year and even after I quit after a year I kept on learning by myself. My drums skills only include songs that are in 4/4 and therefore weren't of much use. Also because of the disaster last year people were hesitant to ask me to play drums, that kinda dampened my spirits about the people at school but I still kept my cheerfulness and kept on improving. April 14th 2004 was the Youth Group praise team's very first praise night and it is was one that had been pushed back time and time again because we weren't confident of our abilities. However that night was a totally awesome night of praise and worship. One of the best/fun nights ever. Now... its college and I still see myself changing for the better. Its crazy how I've come this far from the person I used to be. If I had known I would be like this in 6th grade I would have laughed and cussed you out. However it is because of every experience that I've had that makes up who I am. My belief: you are who you are and you are in control of your life however there is guidance from above =). Time to go out and experience more of this world! Later people.
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| Searching... |
[21 Sep 2005|03:48am] |
I wrote this when I thinking about what someone said the other day... this world really is corrupt and its getting worse so I guess this shows my feelings on that. Its more of a poem than lyrics, although I guess I COULD make it into a song. So yeah its pretty straight-forward and so here it is:
Searching
What has become of this world?
Innocents dying, children crying
Somewhere out there mothers pray
For the safe return of their families
On the other side many die
With the comrades by their side
See the smiling faces, hiding the pain
What’s wrong? Why is everyone so fake?
Open up our eyes to this illusion
Blame it on us, blame it on hate
But that’s not why we cry inside
We’re searching for something more,
Something to end this war,
The battle between grace and pride
We wrestle looking for meaning
Looking for truth, looking for hope
The sound of guns, the clash of blades
The red river flows out onto the streets
Why are we fighting?
Isn’t there something more?
Colors once bright fade to black
The joy once held in our heart
Now empty and numb
Views change and doubts surface
The beliefs we once held,
Are shaken from their core
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| long time no update... |
[15 Sep 2005|09:42pm] |
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hehehe wow its been a while since i updated... anyways thing are going pretty well in life =). well in about 2 days i will be leaving for UCSC!! thank you LORD for helping me through whole ordeal eesh. anyways... not much else is going on. sat i've got drum like all day hahaha it'll definitely be tiring but fun!!! DRUMMING IS AWESOME!!! hahah *sigh* i'll have to leave my guitar here and my drumset T_T oh well its okay I doubt I'll have much time to play either anyways what with my grades they are.... time to somehow cover this hole that I've managed to dig myself into -__-; Oh well anything is possible at this point. In short its the beginning of a new [school] year and it seems to be going okay. well that's about it. later.
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drummakidd's journal